Dear diary...

...Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn’t like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?"

...Today, my gf and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My gf started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it’s just he sounded exactly like you in bed."

...Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes.

...Today, I was talking this guy I’m dating and stated that the only reason I am with him is because of what he buys me. I was joking. He then responded that he doesn’t care because the only reason he is with me is because I give good head. He was serious.

...Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind."

...Today, I got hypnotized at my school’s variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor.

...Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days.

...Today, I finally had sex with a girl I’ve been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated.

(still from youcantfuck.com)