I really dont like pron-tubes, they offer for free what we supposed to get paid for. But that''s the place where u can find all kind of wierdo's, and thats awesome.

For example:

And another thing:People like that are ready to give a lot of money to be watched, so when i do it for free i feel kinda duped. Or cheated, or like that prostitute from an old joke which had been paid with false banknotes. "What did u say? Are they false? He didn't pay me at all? OH MY GOD, i've been raped!!"

Kidding, he is funny. No sorrows i've watched that.))

And why am i watching that? I told u already, im fucking curious WHY and WHAT makes them get excited by things which make normal people get sick or nervious laughing. From another side, long time ago sex not in the missionary posotion counted as some kind of perversion as well, and how would u explain that doggy style gives u much more pleasure? It just does. Nah, one day, one day...

New World's Dictionary.

Mac Nazi: (n) A person that insist on a Mac based operating system to an extent of being Nazi-like!

Football Widow: N. A woman who must cope with the temporary death of her relationship during football games.

A russian: a synonym for someone who experiences severe depression/hate and views the negatives of the world.

Brandalism: The creeping corporatisation of schools, libraries and other public buildings, which are gradually being daubed with company logos and slogans. Coined by graffiti artist Banksy, and expounded on in his book "Wall and Piece"

Wikiality: Reality as decided on by majority rule. Based off wikipedia's 'majority rule' fact. Featured on The Colbert Report July 31, 2006. Wikiality refers to the changing of reality or truth via a Wikipedia-like system, allowing the public to change facts as long as there are others that agree.

Stage-phoning: the activity of talking on a mobile phone in an animated and deliberately audible manner, especially in order to impress people.

Refrigirator rights: Defines the depth, closeness, and intimacy of a relationship. Friends with refrigerator rights can help themselves to anything in your refrigerator without asking permission.

Driving the bus: To unintentionally drive a common route. To turn on the mental autopilot and arrive toward a location other than your desired destination. For example, if you set out to drive to the store, but after a few minutes find that you are halfway to your place of work.

Climate Porn: "Climate Porn" is slang for disgusting or repulsive propaganda used to try to get people to either fall for their belief set, or to intimidate them into silence. Often children are used in such portrayals as the victim of the adult world's excessive carbon emissions, in an effort to create guilt.

Closet Music: The music you love but hide for fear of being ridiculed.

Password Fatigue: tiredness and frustration caused by having to remember a large number of passwords for electronically-controlled activities.

http://www.macmillandictionaries.com/wordoftheweek/wotw_archive.htm
http://www.wordspy.com/topwords.asp

camgirl: (CAM.gurl) n. A girl or young woman who broadcasts live pictures of herself over the World Wide Web. Also: cam-girl, cam girl, Webcam girl.

butt call: n. An unintended phone call placed by sitting on one's cell phone.

heteroflexible: (het.ur.oh.FLEKS.uh.bul) n. A heterosexual person who is open to relationships with people of the same sex.

male answer syndrome: n. The tendency for some men to answer a question even when they don't know the answer. Also: MAS.

gadget porn: n. Images and text that glorify or fetishize high-end or high-tech devices and gadgets. Also: gadget-porn, gadget pornography.

social notworking - The practice of spending time unproductively on social-networking websites, especially when one should be working.


New Words Added to Chinese Language (2007)

House slave: A person struggling to pay off a home loan.

Semi-honey couple: A married couple who maintain separate homes to try to keep the romance alive in their marriage.

Brokeback: Taken from the film Brokeback Mountain, this is a synonym for a homosexual.

Three-hand illness: Hand fatigue caused by overuse of gaming machines, computer mice, and mobile phones.

Fetish Alphabet - C - Crossdressing.

Hi, I’m Sissy Jennifer!
I have been a crossdresser for over 25 years. I am into the little girl look. I love pretty dresses with lace and ruffles. I have many petticoats and several little girl dresses. I also have a bridal gown with a long petticoat for under it. I love everything fem. I like to wear pretty ribbons in my hair and love lacy anklet socks and ruffles on my panties. It's great to be able to wear little girl dresses with petticoats under it. The art of being able to wear big poufies under my dresses is the greatest feeling of all.

http://www.pettipond.com/laterimages/pinups/jennifer_62/pinup62.htm

Freakin' FCC (click to enlarge the pics).

Some history by Wiki:

The Motion Picture Production Code was the set of industry censorship guidelines which governed the production of the vast majority of United States motion pictures released by major studios from 1930 to 1968. It was originally popularly known as the Hays Code, after its creator, Will H. Hays.
The Motion Pictures Producers and Distributors Association (MPPDA), which later became the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), adopted the code in 1930, began effectively enforcing it in 1934, and abandoned it in 1968, in favor of the subsequent MPAA film rating system. The Production Code spelled out what was acceptable and what was unacceptable content for motion pictures produced for a public audience in the United States.

Provisions of the Code
The Production Code enumerated three "General Principles" as follows:

1. No picture shall be produced that will lower the moral standards of those who see it. Hence the sympathy of the audience should never be thrown to the side of crime, wrongdoing, evil or sin.
2. Correct standards of life, subject only to the requirements of drama and entertainment, shall be presented.
3. Law, natural or human, shall not be ridiculed, nor shall sympathy be created for its violation.

Specific restrictions were spelled out as "Particular Applications" of these principles:

• 
  Nakedness and suggestive dances were prohibited.
• 
  The ridicule of religion was forbidden, and ministers of religion were not to be represented as comic characters or villains.
• 
  The depiction of illegal drug use was forbidden, as well as the use of liquor, "when not required by the plot or for proper characterization".
• 
  Methods of crime (e.g. safe-cracking, arson, smuggling) were not to be explicitly presented.
  References to alleged sex perversion (such as homosexuality) and veneral desease were forbidden, as were depictions of childbirth.
• 
  The language section banned various words and phrases that were considered to be offensive.
  Murder scenes had to be filmed in a way that would discourage imitations in real life, and brutal killings could not be shown in detail. "Revenge in modern times" was not to be justified.
• 
  The sanctity of marriage and the home had to be upheld. "Pictures shall not imply that low forms of sex relationship are the accepted or common thing". Adultery and illicit sex, although recognized as sometimes necessary to the plot, could not be explicit or justified and were not supposed to be presented as an attractive option.
• 
  Portrayals of miscegenation (inter-racial marriage and procreation) were forbidden.
• 
  "Scenes of Passion" were not to be introduced when not essential to the plot. "Excessive and lustful kissing" was to be avoided, along with any other treatment that might "stimulate the lower and baser element".
• 
  The flag of the United States was to be treated respectfully, and the people and history of other nations were to be presented "fairly".
• 
  The treatment of "Vulgarity", defined as "low, disgusting, unpleasant, though not necessarily evil, subjects" must be "subject to the dictates of good taste". Capital punishment, "third-degree methods", cruelty to children, animals, prostitution and surgical operations were to be handled with similar sensitivity.

Fetish Alphabet. W - Wool Fetish.

It had been found also by my fan-of-wierd-things-girlfriend. http://www.somethingawful.com/d/fashion-swat/wool-swat-german.php?page=1
Pls, don't think i'm showing that to u to make u laugh. Actually, im damn curious about those things. I mean it, i wanna understand, what kind of anchor do they have, why do they find that so exciting.
IMHO, there is nothing can be wrong with sex, if all partners know what they do and totally agree with that. Poor wool-fetishists, i dont think it's really easy to find a soulmate for themselves.

Why am i not surprised that the fetish like that can ever be possible? Well, u know what they say,

«If it exists, there IS porn of it. No exceptions.»
— Rule 34

The girlfriend of mine loves to surf the Net, and she has got a talant to find something really interesting.

Same as me, she likes all kind of weird stuff.

Like this, fr example, which had been sent to me just now. Fucking aliens, they wanna destroy my brain!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJvHrx1X-Gk
Watch it till the end, u won't regret, i swear! Or at least from 2:20 till the end, there are some really bizzar things are happening. What kind of narcotic subtsance do they use to create that?

Sorry for being offline so often.

This afternoon i have a so-called "spreektoets", so i had to study a little. Cross ur fingers for me :)

And meanwhile, look, what i've found (damn, i HAVE to share it with u!!!):

Fetish Alphabet. F - Force Feeding.

"I then considered tube feeding, but the traders wanted something newer, faster, and more efficient. I also wanted something which tube feeding didn't offer, the ability for the subject to taste the food. I came up with a kind of vacuum device. It looked a lot like a jet fighters oxygen mask. It covered the face from just underneath the eyes down to the chin, and fitted around the subject's ears. It had a long flexible black tube that attached at the front of the mask, right in front of the person's mouth. This tube was filled with miniature blades and grinders. At the other end of the tube was a wide-mouthed funnel lined with Teflon. The idea was that food would be sucked up the hose just like a vacuum, ground up and moistened and lubricated in the tube, and then delivered at some speed into the person's mouth and down the throat. I had done several tests on the machine's ability to grind up food, and found that it could reduce a solid block of wood to a very mushy and swallowable paste in just a few seconds. It could take a chicken leg and grind up the meat, gristle, bone and sinew into a very tasty snack. It also had a sensor and automatic shut down attachment, which would prevent the subject from eating any inedible, poisonous, or foreign materials. And it was fast. There were three settings. Low, Medium, and High, naturally. High was a speed I wasn't likely to use too much. On low though an entire bowl full of pasta, sauce, meatballs, sausage, and garlic bread could be eaten in just thirty seconds. Medium cut the speed down to 15 seconds and High could do it in under 5. At that speed though a person might get hurt."
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/Weight_Room/stories/eating_machine.html.

"But you haven't even finished half of your food" she pouted. "Well, I thought of that. Here." She pulled out a pill and fed it to him. "That should help calm down your stomach. As for the rest of this food," for a moment he thought she was going to give him a reprieve, then she reached under the table and pulled out a blender, "you are just going to have to drink it. I'll only do this for you for the first week. After that you had better to be able to eat it all, because you will whether you want to or not!"
http://dimensionsmagazine.com/Weight_Room/stories/Keiko.html.

“You know, I never really understood everything you told be about the liquid fattener. Would you explain it to me again?” Myra asked between bites of cheesecake. He had to think for a few minutes to recall exactly what went into the mix. “Oh, OK. Here goes. I started with pure liquefied butterfat. Then I added as much dehydrated vegetable fat as the liquefied butterfat could re-hydrate. This produced a very thick paste that was too thick to flow. Then I added a digestive enzyme that thinned it down so it would flow plus it's basically almost completely pre-digested. Her digestive system will have to do little other than absorb the fattener. To aid with that, I added an agent that causes her digestive system to accelerate both digestion as well as absorption. Naturally, since our goal here is to maximize her gain I added a growth hormone.”
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/Weight_Room/stories/myra_zone.html.

Печатаю без согласия, но надеюсь, что марс не обидится. Очень сильно захотелось эти слова сохранить.

Ознакомилась с сочинением про обыск. Впечатлена.Кац то ! предлагал сдаться (с) еще в аднатысяча черт знает каком году.
Я говорила миллион сто тысяч раз- хватить выебываться на форуме, как одним левым пальцем мы делаем без нуда 500 в смену, хватить писать инструкции- как стать оунером за 5 минут или бросить оунера за 10,сделав коричневое выражение лица выпятив нижнюю челюсть в позу "АРЭНБИ", хватит гнуть пальцы о всяком, вешать скрины, обсуждать стратежности, хватит кормить инфой прохожих гестов и мемов, хватит дергать тигра за усы(с).
Пиздец, товарищи.Но его следовало ожидать при таком подходе. Фпиsду такой шоубизнэс в самом деле.

(с)

The best lyrics ever! XD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqXi8WmQ_WM

What? This guy is just honest. Or do u really wanna say that is not what all songs goes about? And sure, the sexual dance of the singer is fuck seductive \(^0^)/

I know that's a parody song. But damn, it should be on tv. "I'll check ur pipes, im ur plumber tonight" is, why not this one?

Just love him.

Cannot help.

What do we learn about oral sex from pron?

Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
When a women is suckin' a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to suck it.
When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand fimly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Some other things pron has taught us all:
Men are always rock hard and ready to go.
When going down with a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
If a woman gets busted mastubating by a strange man, she will not scream embarassed, but rather insist he have sex with her.
Women always orgasm when men do.
All women are noisy fucks.
People in the 70's couldn's fuck unless there was a wildguitar solo in the background.
Man always groan OOH YEAAH! when they cum.
Nurses suck patient's cocks.
Double prenetration makes women smile.
If u come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't have any problem with u jamming ur cock in his girlfriends mouth. U even can high-five each other.
Assholes are clean.
Every guy has a huge penis.
All women are completly bald.
Any girl with pigtails is a teen.
Any other girl is a MILF.
Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trouser and find a cock there.

(found somehwere in internet)

Did you know there are different types of Orgasms?

The Positive Orgasm: "Oh yes, ohh yess, YESSSSSSSS!"
The Negative Orgasm: "Oh no, ohh noo. NOOOOOOOOO!"
The Pious Orgasm: "Oh God, Ohh Godd, GODDDDDDD!"
The Rock'n Roll Orgasm: "O Baby, o baby.........o baby..OOOOOOOOOO!"
The Heavy Metal Orgasm: "Cmon honey, go johnny, yeah honey cummin baby EEEEEEEEEEAH!"
The Instrumental Orgasm: "Ooooooooonn, ooooooooooonn!"
The Travelling Orgasm: "I'm coming, I'mm comminng, commmmminnnnnnng!"
The Greedy Orgasm: "Ahhh more, more, more, MMOOOOOOORE!"
The Murderer's Orgasm: "Ahhhh, If you take it out, I'll kill you........"
The Speleological Orgasm: "Mmm...OHHH...Deeper...Go DEEPER !!"

And The False Orgasm: "Oh, Jim, OH, JIM!"

Domian FAIL

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

7. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com

Dear diary...

...Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn’t like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?"

...Today, my gf and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My gf started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it’s just he sounded exactly like you in bed."

...Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes.

...Today, I was talking this guy I’m dating and stated that the only reason I am with him is because of what he buys me. I was joking. He then responded that he doesn’t care because the only reason he is with me is because I give good head. He was serious.

...Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind."

...Today, I got hypnotized at my school’s variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor.

...Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days.

...Today, I finally had sex with a girl I’ve been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated.

(still from youcantfuck.com)

International Women's Day

P.s. I know, it was yesterday. But i was too busy to write here, sorry)
P.p.s. Dont even dare to congranulate me. I prefer to be a woman permanently, not once in a year only by a special occasion. Arrrrr!!

"Hey, what new can i learn about lesbians? Probably, i know everything already. They like to fuck each other with cucumber, love to seduce innocent plumbers and everytime swimming-pool happens around, they start having crazy sex."

Wel, u r wrong, my dear)))
Let me tell u something. Sure, i cannot speak from all girls who like other girls in the world, but at least am the right sex person ^____^.

The first of all, girl-girl relationship is something different. Its more the highest point of friendship, the ultimate level of intimacy. U can say, u fuck another girl to learn her better (guys, catch my drift - u can always use it as an argument with a girl u wnana dig. I'm not sure only if it works in ur case. In mine it works always :P).

Secondly, its not really fucking. Its more an erotic pleasure by touchings, smells, feeling of breath. Trust me, guys, if a girl wanna have something in her pussy, she will probably find a guy for that. Girls do not use double-sides dildos, cucumbers, carrots and fists. As well, we do not pee on each other in shower and dont dress up as nurses. Thats the lie what entertament wants u to believe. DONT EAT THAT SHIT!! Lol.
Seriously, girls arent up to that. Try to remember, what ur gf wants u to do for her. I dont think she asks u so often to pee on her or fuck her during ur watching sport and eating potato chips. And now multiply it by two. U even can rase it to the second power. Girls like it gentle! If they dont, it means, u do it too boring (here comes another advice: guys, stop reading female magazines. I have no ideas who the fuck writes that, but after 30 min of non-stop oral pleasure the only reasult u will see is a sleeping girl and her sore clit. Trust me, im a girl).

Well, and the last fact u know already. Lesbians are lesbians, and they kiss each other not to practice while they are waiting for a real man to get laid with. Even do not hope. But bisexual girls mostly not up to lesbi girls, and still more enjoy by having sex with somebody who has a penis and can use it, so - HOORAAY! Just do not come to girls which are holding hands with a question if they are L or B. The only answere u will get is a slap in ur face.
And how will u know if u have a chance?

Well, maybe later ill tell u)))

Dear diary...

...Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I’m bored."

...Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend’s house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?"

...Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail.

...Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much.

...Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What’s worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow.

No kidding, u should read it. Most of stories are crappy, but u still can find some funny pearls))
Or some inspiration for humiliation sessions ^________^.
Oh, yeah, its from youcantfuck.com